|
[14 Dec 2009|04:41am] |
|
Today I feel...unoriginal.
I feel like a clone.
I actually feel tired of myself.
Know what I mean?
|
|
|
[13 Dec 2009|01:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cold |
] |
It is absolutely freezing down in the basement which I am sleeping in. Seriously.
I've just gotten home from Alma's birthday party. Or at least the hookah part.
Very relaxing, Shinn & Patrick came as well. Whenever I invite someone to go somewhere with me, I'm always wondering if they had a good time. I hope they had a good time.
Cause I did. And I'd be bummed if they didn't enjoy themselves.
|
|
|
[11 Dec 2009|11:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lethargic |
] |
Okay, so I'm watching The Wedding Planner on TV. Even though the acting sucks and the plot is tired, I still enjoy it.
And tomorrow I will watch The Notebook. And cry. A lot.
I hope I can get my mom to put some gas in my car.
I hope my period mental craziness ends soon. And that my deep tissue bruising feels better soon.
Some days I wonder what my life would be like if my parents chose a husband for me.
It sounds weird. But, I do wonder what kind of guy they'd choose for me. It'd certainly help me understand why my father hates everyone I bring home.
I don't know why I'm even thinking of this.
|
|
|
[10 Dec 2009|04:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hungry |
] |
I'm going to hate myself for admitting this. But I just cried over Lucas & Peyton's reunion and their expected marriage.
Hopefully this is the extent of the emotional part of the crimson tide.
It took me forever to realize that Mouth on One Tree Hill is Minkus from Boy Meets World.
I know, pretty crazy.
I bombed my math final cause I fail at life. And math.
BUT I think I did really well on my film history final and that makes me feel better.
Life is still grand.
I want chocolate. Badly.
|
|
|
[09 Dec 2009|07:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Volcano Girls, Veruca Salt |
] |
Okay, so, my room is completely rearranged.
I know what you're thinking "No way, that means you would have had to clean it first."
Well I did!
And it looks awesome!
I've plugged in a lamp and my lava lamp. And now there will be heat! Now that my bed isn't in front of the only heating vent in here.
One heating vent and 5 outlets. 5! There are more heating vents in my bathroom than in my bedroom.
Oh boy, my Grammy is coming to stay for two weeks.
Sofa bed for me! Hooray...
At very least, I'll have a nice heater to accompany me through the night.
I really like my new room arrangement. The feng shui is beneficial fr moving forward. I should rearrange after every break up.
Maybe then my room wouldn't be such a disaster area all the time. Now I just gotta clean out my closet. Where all my useless junk goes to die...I have way too many stuffed animals. I should bag them and give them away. They're all in pretty good condition. Maybe Andrea's niece would like some.
I gotta start getting excited about Christmas, cause I just haven't been feeling it lately. And that is saddening.
But on the upside, I don't feel as crazy as I usually do once I start my period. I'm not having any cramps or chest pains. My boobs don't hurt.
Life is grand.
|
|
|
[09 Dec 2009|12:12am] |
I need to clean my room. Like two days ago.
I am a pack-rat. I always feel that I need all the useless junk that I keep...
Also, my room needs to be rearranged. My bed is blocking the heat from moving through the room.
No wonder it is an ice box in here.
"I'll wait for love. I'll wait, will you?"
|
|
|
[07 Dec 2009|06:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 satisfied |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
My favourite book, Stars |
] |
Life is good. Honestly.
I love my life, my friends, my family.
My only wish lately is that everyone around me could be as happy as me.
I read an article last week that says sex can make your period more regular. True!
Last week, I decided that I want to start working out regularly. It feels good to work out, relieves stress in a healthy way. And it gives me energy.
This has been (overall) a good birthday weekend.
|
|
| I wanna feel your touch. You know it's easier if we get closer |
[05 Dec 2009|03:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 jealous |
] |
I don't know if this is the crimson tide forming in front of me or if this is my rational mind, but I am so jealous.
I'm a very jealous person.
I don't like to think that someone could take something/someone from me that I consider mine.
How crazy do I sound, on a scale of 1-10?
I especially don't know why I'm jealous because not twelve hours ago I was feeling like 'the only one'.
Why am I jealous? Cause it could happen to me just as easily as it happened to her.
Cause maybe I am boring after awhile.
Upon reading this, I'm definitely chalking this up to the emotional undertow of the crimson tide.
|
|
| Maybe not so shameless |
[03 Dec 2009|02:25am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Dirty Dancing soundtrack |
] |
I'm not a good person sometimes. I don't want to elaborate.
I'm ashamed.
Moving on, my birthday is tomorrow. Honestly, I really like birthday cards. I like them a lot.
I like getting mail that has my name on it that I actually want to open. I love the cards my grammy gets best.
She has a gift for picking cards. They always make me smile. And cry, at the same time.
I'm excited about the dinner that Kamedah is making me tonight. I love her salisbury steak. So much.
It's the only reason I made it this week. Oh yeah, and my birthday.
I can't sleep, but I'm exhausted. If I take tylenol, I won't wake up for lit, and honestly, I submitted my last paper. So I don't know that I see any point in going. Waking up at 9:30AM for Lit...not sounding good to me. Maybe I'll wake up early and go to the gym, get some running in. Go to Film for final review. Prepare for dinner :D
|
|
| He doesn't want her, but he just won't let her go |
[30 Nov 2009|06:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Big Fight, Stars |
] |
the title reminds me of Nathan.
It's freezing in my dorm. I've been back for hours, and I still haven't taken off my shoes or coat because it is so cold in here.
I want pumpkin muffins, but I don't have eggs or a muffin pan. Getting hungry. Quickly.
Wishing I had munnies for beef and broccoli from Wok N Roll. God that stuff is delicious.
Cereal for me! Good thing I have cocoa krispies or I'd be completely miserable.
Ever since Shinns mom made Lumpia last tuesday, I've been wanting to try to make it myself. I bet Kamedah would help me.
Sounds delicious.
|
|
| mortality |
[27 Nov 2009|07:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 morose |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Decode, Paramore |
] |
It occurred to me, for the first time, that Brian will be deployed to Iraq.
Maybe not today or tomorrow, not for a year or two, but it's happening.
One of my oldest friends, closest friends, in what he has chosen to do could die.
And when I realized that, I sat down and cried. I cried for so long my head hurts.
Sure, we don't talk every day, and I don't see him often or for too long, but it's just so wrong to think that he could die.
Damn fool.
|
|
|
[26 Nov 2009|12:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Knock You Down, Keri Hilson ft. Kanye West, Ne-Yo |
] |
so, no movie last night, we went out for dinner.
I had a nice time with my parents, I really like them as people. And that they're my parents.
However, I was grilled mercilessly about Shinn. It's hard enough for me to introduce whoever I'm dating to my parents without them knowing a bunch about him. And I haven't even been seeing him a month yet, we haven't even had any discussion to exclusivity! Honestly, I was already worried about the introduction. I don't really know if it's too soon right after my birthday, it would be different if I hadn't met his parents yet. That way I could gauge when the right time was by when I was introduced to his parents. But you know, once you get older you don't introduce the person you're dating to the parents unless you're getting really serious. I guess the approach I'm taking is to give it a few weeks and see where it goes.
I made the pie for thanksgiving dinner. Apple butter pumpkin pie with brown sugar cinnamon streusel. Nom nom nom :)
I love thanksgiving, I have so much to be grateful for: my family, my friends, my good fortune. The list goes on and on.
ANYWAYS! Happy Thanksgiving!
|
|
| Thanksgiving |
[25 Nov 2009|05:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Graham's Number |
] |
Seeing The Blind Side with my parents tonight, exciting stuff.
Helped Shinn do some prep work last night for his thanksgiving today, well sorta. I let him do most of it. Cause sometimes I'm a bitch.
It was fun though, can't say I've ever really enjoyed cubing carrots or onions or chopping string beans, but last night was fun.
His mom is adorable, and so funny. Which almost makes up for his dads perviness and catching me in a dirty whore moment.
His mom invited me for dinner, and I swear he gave me this look that was so...I do not want to make this commitment to you, please say you have other plans, anything. I do not want you around my family, I do not want to be around my family.
Right or wrong in my interpretation, I did tell my dad we'd see a movie tonight. And I am way too intimidated by the idea of a family dinner to accept. Especially if his dad keeps giving me that look that says I've almost seen you naked...I'm scared of family dinners. It's been too long since I've had dinner with my own family. I think my heart leapt up into my throat when she asked me to join them. Nevertheless, I'm chilling with my parents tonight and waking up early tomorrow to make my pie. Mmh mmh gooood.
Last night was a good night, and when I strolled in at 8:30AM, my dad did not interrogate me. Seriously! I swear it's like my parents trust me!!! I've worked for this for years and years and years and now they finally trust me. God, it's incredible.
So last night, Nathan was at the party I went to with Shinn. I'm not sure why Patrick came out and told us he was there before we walked in, but I am glad I got a heads up. It's just so weird, I had had this feeling all day that I'd see him, but I just brushed it off. Nathan didn't seem like himself, or maybe I knew a different version. I guess he knows I'm seeing Shinn? He seemed kinda sullen, but that's what you get for being indecisive.
My birthday is in nine days, I'm excited. Sorta. Nineteen doesn't seem all that exciting, but at least I've got a bunch of great friends to celebrate with. And two fondue dinners, now that's exciting. I love cheese, chocolate is good, but I love cheese. My Princess and Googly Bear dinner, and my family dinner. I always enjoy the family birthday dinner, that's something I don't think I'll ever want to stop doing.
|
|
| I know you know that I'm not fond of asking |
[24 Nov 2009|03:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cold |
] |
Remember the beginning of seeing someone new? Everything is really new and fresh and it's so good that it's a little scary?
Recall the tingles when your phone rings or you get a message and it's him. The contented sighs. The anxiety before seeing him, and its immediate resolution upon actually seeing him.
"Just don't let me down."
|
|
| All the creatures stood above me, now I'm crawling towards the sun |
[23 Nov 2009|07:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Stop Crying Your Heart Out, Oasis |
] |
so, today would have been a great day to deep condition my hair.
I wish I had thought to ask my mum to but some henna stuff the other day, just didn't occur to me I suppose.
I've been having really vivid dreams right before I wake up lately.
After my nap today, I remembered a dream where all the keys on my key chain were separated in my purse and I couldn't find one key.
I'm not sure what deeper meaning it had, but it was almost as creepy as the dream where I had Brandons baby.
This morning I woke up remembering that I was riding motorcycles with Shinn and his worked fine, but mine wouldn't go further than a few feet before sputtering out, then something I can't remember, then we were in bed.
"And now you're satisfied, a twinkle in your eye...Anticipating, I will be waiting for you to wake again."
There seems to be a theme, I'm sure of that.
First dream, something is missing. Something I need, something essential. I'm afraid of being shut out maybe?
Second dream, I'm finding it difficult to move forward, I'm finding things to keep me from fully pursuing what I want. I'm not sure...
I finally got the rest I need today, and I feel magnificent. Heroes is tonight, all new! I still find it hilarious that the directv guide refers to Noah as HRG. Horn Rimmed Glasses for those of you who don't know. Ha ha ha.
|
|
| must...create...distance! |
[22 Nov 2009|05:40pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sweet Emotion, Aerosmith |
] |
Josh asked me if it was okay to say he missed me last night. And by asking that, you say it anyways, so there's not really any point in asking.
I had no idea how to respond.
To be quite honest, can you really miss someone you've hung out with once and have only really talked to through text messages?
He hardly knows me.
Not only that, but Brian is gonna be in town in a few days. And both Brian AND Josh are gonna be here for Christmas.
"It's the most wonderful time of the year..."
NOT
I am in for quite the holiday season this year.
You know, I don't think it's gonna be a big deal though. Brian will understand, and Josh will at very least respect that I'm seeing someone.
|
|
|
[15 Nov 2009|07:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 chipper |
] |
so. For those of you that don't know. Things with Nathan are finally over.
And I feel really good that it isn't open-ended anymore.
Thank God I finally started to get smart.
|
|
|
[14 Nov 2009|02:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
do not want:
idiocy
confusion
blind judgement
fear
anger
debt
hunger
clutter
anxiety
to do things just because someone else wants me to
to have to wish for anything
to be let down
do want:
tender kisses
to be held at night
financial security
resolutions
assurance
support
sleep
ambition
to figure out what I really want to do
a calm feeling
to not be nauseated at the thought of talking about my feelings
to hold on and not fear being clingy
"So what we gon' have? Desert or disaster?"
|
|
|
[10 Nov 2009|04:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Decode, Paramore |
] |
so, I've had a knot in my stomach the past few days. Since I hung out with Shinn on sunday.
Felt like an impending sense of doom.
But I'm beginning to think it was me supressing that I like him.
And he tells me he likes me last night.
Dear God, Please don't let this be something I regret.
|
|
|
[09 Nov 2009|08:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
I'll Be Seeing You, Frank Sinatra |
] |
maybe everything really isn't as it seems.
"How do I decide what's right? When you're clouding up my mind"
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
bubblyenigma's journal